Public Shaming II

A few days ago, Jill posted something that offended my mom. Way to go, Jill! It's not very nice to go around offending people's mothers with all of your motherfucking profanity.

CHAT: Butt

Jill: My dad just butt dialed me, again today.

Me: Doesn't your father know that you and his butt are not on speaking terms?

Public Shaming

My dear, it pains me to point out that this morning you left the twist-tie off of the bread and scattered Cheetos crumbs all over the counter-top.

Now your friends all know that you are a neglectful bread-keeper and a Cheetos litterer.

I'm sorry it had to come to this.

Theme Song

After hours of painstaking work I finally finished mine and Kevin's theme song. Here it is:

Jillzey...
Kevin...
Mostly Jillzey, FUCK YEAH!
Coming again, to save the mother fucking day yeah,
Kevin, FUCK YEAH!
Freedom is the only way yeah,
Terrorist your game is through cause now you have to answer too,
Jillzey, FUCK YEAH!
So lick my butt, and suck on my balls,
Kevin, FUCK YEAH!
What you going to do when we come for you now,
it’s the dream that we all share; it’s the hope for tomorrow
FUCK YEAH!

My Bid For Sainthood

For the past 16 months (as long as I've known Kevin in person) Kevin has been trying to convince me to acknowledge him in public. I have firmly held my ground and not given in. I am content to let everyone believe that he is just a homeless man following me around in public.

However, because I'm such a nice person and feel bad for his constant crying, I have developed a slight compromise and kind of acknowledge his existence in public. Mind you, not that I'm actually associated with him just that he exists.

How have I started doing this? Stop asking questions and I will tell you. I pinch him. Sometimes hard and sometimes just for a few minutes. It is sweet of me to acknowledge him, isn't it.

I Almost Peed

Here is the play-by-play I know you are waiting for:

Kevin's across the room.

I walk over to him.

He says, "Are you coming over to be nice?"

I fall on the floor laughing so hard I almost peed. Man, my stomach hurts now.

CHAT: Apostrophe

After reading somebody's blog that had a simple punctuation error in the title.

----

me: Seriously, man, somebody needs to tell her, politely, how to pluralize.

Jill: Yeah. She is a sweet girl but not the brightest.

me: Sometimes I feel I was the only one paying attention in grammar school.

Jill: Not the only one but not nearly enough were.

me: If she absolutely insists on using an apostrophe, she should rename her blog to [NAME WITHHELD]. That would be fine.

GRRR.

Jill: Deep breaths.

me: I just get really upset by simple mistakes that are due entirely to laziness. It's not like it's THAT difficult to learn the rules of the apostrophe. It's a pretty straight-forward piece of punctuation.

Jill: Actually, it has a bendy in it.

me: I will destroy you.

Jill: You wish.