The Cashew Gallery

Kevin: Bork bork bork!

Jill: No one needs comments from the cashew gallery.

Kevin: Not the peanut gallery, but the cashew gallery? Is that right next to the peanut gallery?

Jill: Yep. You are soft and bendy.

Kevin: HAHA! Nice. Nice set-up, dear.

Jill:That was fucking funny.

Conversations with Jillzey: "Gums"

As I am biting Jillz on the leg with my teeth over my lips.

Jill: What are you doing?

Me: Well, if you're ever gummed all over your knee by an old man with no teeth, no you know what that will feel like.

Jill: Babe, that's already happened.

Asshole in the House Tonight!

Here's tonight's string of asshole moves:

1. Kevin mentions how good hot chocolate would be but doesn't want to go get any at the store. Leaving me craving hot chocolate. (No, I can't go get it myself. That isn't how it works here)

2. Saying that he will settle for tea but not offering to make me any.

3. When I say that I'm going to make my own tea, since he didn't offer. He uses MY Steelers mug for his tea. Even though his mug is clean and sitting in the damn cupboard.

Now I don't have hot chocolate, I don't have any tea and I don't even have my goddamn Steelers mug to drink out of while I watch the goddamn Steelers game.

New Cooking Show

Per Kevin's suggestion I'll be hosting a new cooking show. I'm sure Food Network will pick it up soon and it'll be wildly popular. It's called:

What's Kevin Cooking Me For Dinner Tonight?

Basically, I sit on the couch. Sometimes I play on the Interwebs or possibly write a blog post (much like this) while Kevin is in the kitchen making my dinner. Each episode will involve me asking when it is done and avoiding (at all costs) helping.

Tonight's installment: Chicken Tacos

Stay tuned!

Public Shaming II

A few days ago, Jill posted something that offended my mom. Way to go, Jill! It's not very nice to go around offending people's mothers with all of your motherfucking profanity.

CHAT: Butt

Jill: My dad just butt dialed me, again today.

Me: Doesn't your father know that you and his butt are not on speaking terms?

Public Shaming

My dear, it pains me to point out that this morning you left the twist-tie off of the bread and scattered Cheetos crumbs all over the counter-top.

Now your friends all know that you are a neglectful bread-keeper and a Cheetos litterer.

I'm sorry it had to come to this.