Chat: VD

In response to Jill's tweet: "@Kevin_Wolf accidentally re-enacted all my previous VD experiences by sleeping on the couch."

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me: I do not have a venereal disease.

Jill: You do.

hahahaha

me: Then I'd like to know how I acquired it. Maybe I got roofied.

Jill: Probably by @skrike

me: That sonofabitch.

Jill: Cute doesn't alway mean clean. You should keep that in mind next time.

Signs of Love

Yesterday, Kevin and I were in a chocolate shop totally amazed at the fact that they were busy. We've been in there before and never had to wait in line.

Both of us were dumbstruck at why it was so busy. After talking softly to ourselves about it for over two minutes. We finally realized Valentine's Day is approaching. Yep. We're romantic.

For The Love of Whales

Me: I ordered new anti-wrinkle cream.

Kevin: You know that's just whale sperm, right?

Me: Yeah. I know.

Kevin: All you have to do is find a whale and jack him off on your face.

Me: I know but last time I invited a bunch of whales over for a bukkake and it didn't do anything.

Mufasa's an Idiot

Kevin: Your breakfast is done, sweetie.

Me: (Clearly, he hasn't read what I just posted about him on Twitter or he wouldn't be calling me sweetie.)

****walk in kitchen****

Me: Thanks. I'm guessing you haven't checked your Twitter?

Kevin: Oh god, what did you say about me?

Me: Nothing.

Kevin: I'm in here making you breakfast and you're talking shit about me on Twitter?

Me: It's the circle of life.

Kevin: Oh, really?

Me: Yeah. Mufasa had it wrong.

Kevin: Apparently, so was Elton John.